Being Point

Month: April 2009

  • Regaining Integrity After a Fall

    One of our Connecticut Study Haller’s wrote:

    “I’m wondering if you can address how one regains one’s integrity after a fall? Making amends? Undoing damage? Coming clean with others?”

    “What are some examples of people who reclaimed their integrity and of those who didn’t? Integrity offsets? How big is your integrity footprint?”

    A way to start answering these great questions is to know that integrity requires self-examination and self-honesty. Conduct a thorough analysis of a situation from both your own and the other’s point of view.

    Be a contrarian and reverse your strongly-held positions and, for a moment, assume that their opposites are true. Try on how it feels to be on the receiving end of what others may view as your lack of integrity.

    Based on the results of your analysis, you can formulate a plan of action to compensate, in all appropriate ways, those whom your breach of integrity has harmed. Amends, and perhaps redemption, can then be possible.

  • Integrity Is Not Conditional

    We live in a culture where many people have cheated because they can get away with it. Taking unfair advantage of a situation is obviously a violation of integrity. Doing something dishonest just because you can is wrong.

    Writer John D. MacDonald said:

    “Integrity is not a conditional word. It doesn’t blow in the wind or change with the weather. It is your image of yourself; and if you look in there and see a man who won’t cheat, then you know he never will.”

    How would you assess your own integrity? Has your integrity ever been conditional? Can you be counted on to do what you say – and to do for yourself and others what you promise? Are you a person of integrity?

  • Inner Integrity

    Many people responded to our topic of integrity. A great friend sent the following:

    “Inner integrity is our basic nature – the effortless emotional wholeness that is our human birthright.”
    “When we tune into our direct experience as it actually is in the moment – not what our heads think about it, but what we actually experience – we find ourselves able to act in alignment with life, rather than wrestling with it.”

    The author is Kerry Moran, LPC, and the highly-recommended website is:

    http://www.innerintegrity.com/

    Are you able to access your inner integrity? How are you aware of it? What has stopped you from being there in the past?

  • Without Integrity, We Can Feel As Though We Cease To Exist

    It’s been said that without integrity, we don’t exist. Why? Because for one to pretend to be true when one isn’t true simply invalidates * being * itself.

    Dishonesty exists for one primary purpose: to mislead. To mislead others – but, ultimately, to mislead oneself. If all we have is our word, then to utter false words is to, in effect, cease to exist.

    Yet, no one of us is perfect. All humans, by definition, are flawed vessels. So how do we reconcile our imperfection with our hunger for integrity?

    How do you feel when someone lies to you? How do you feel when you know that someone is not operating from integrity – especially if they are trying to imply or assure you that they are? What are the implications for the health of that relationship? How can we, as humans, do better?

  • The Conflict Between Perfection and “The Good”

    Consider a few quotations on perfection:

    Voltaire: “Perfection is the enemy of the good.”

    Isaac Bashevis Singer: “Every creator painfully experiences the chasm between his inner vision and its ultimate expression.”

    General George Patton: “A good plan implemented today is better than a perfect plan implemented tomorrow.”

    How do you feel about perfection? Are you genuinely willing to settle for the good, or have you been hooked on a vision of perfection? When you settle for the good, how do you feel?

    Have you won, or have you compromised? What is the most perfect thing you have ever done or experienced?

  • Imperfection and Negative Judgment

    Inevitably, our week’s conversation about perfection turns to imperfection. Dr. Wayne Dyer said, “To sit in judgment of those things which you perceive to be wrong or imperfect is to be one more person who is part of judgment, evil or imperfection.”

    If one’s core belief is that *all* is perfect – on at least what might be called a “cosmic” level – then Dyer’s comment would be true. He is equating negative judgment itself with imperfection. Kind of like the pot calling the kettle black if one adjudges something to be imperfect, but is then made imperfect by the judgment.

    Have you ever judged something imperfect and, therefore, wrong or flawed or even evil? How do we humans maintain the paradox that everything is “perfect,” yet clearly cruelty and suffering exist in the world? How can those things be “perfect”?

  • How Has Perfection Affected Your Life?

    This week’s topic – perfection – has caused much suffering among so many people because it has been interpreted to be the only acceptable way to be – even though being perfect is a completely unrealistic goal.

    Most likely, what we are really talking about when we speak about perfection is a high degree of excellence or mastery in a particular activity where “perfect scores” are attainable. Neither of those terms is absolute, yet “perfection” connotes the ultimate ideal – the best there is or ever could be.

    In the rational light of day, perhaps nothing is perfect . . . with the exception of love if it is unadulterated and unconditional and pure.

    How have you been affected by visions of perfection? Have you felt pressured by family, friends, peers and / or our culture to be without flaw? Even though you might have questioned the true ability of anyone to be perfect, how have the messages about perfection affected your self-image your self-assessment, and your assessment of others? Is there a rational alternative to our cultural addiction to perfection?

  • “Perfection Is Achieved Not When There Is Nothing More To Add” ~ Antoine de Saint-Exupery

    You may know one of my favorite writers, Antoine de Saint-Exupery. He said, “Perfection is achieved not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.”

    His writing is beautifully lyrical, yet it is not fussy or overdone. The notion of reducing something to its essence is powerful. We can debate about whether or not perfection actually exists, but the * feeling * of perfection definitely exists . . . and it’s well worth paying attention to.

    Consider something in which you’re engaged. How would it be well-served by taking away something? For example, taking away demands on a relationship, decoration in a room, embellishment in a story, or requirements for you to live up to everyone else’s pictures of how your life * should * be.

    We might find, as Saint-Exupery implies, that less is more . . . and that beauty and perfection are a function of brilliant and intentional refinement. How might the beauty of the situations mentioned above be revealed by removing anything that does not serve the highest and best purpose of the situation itself?

  • “There’s A Crack In Everything: That’s What Lets the Light In” – Leonard Cohen

    I had the privilege last week of seeing the great poet and songwriter, Leonard Cohen, live in concert. He said many things that night, but among the most striking was, “There’s a crack in everything. That’s what lets the light in.”

    Most of us have had issues with perfection. We live in a world where airbrushed models, celebrities, professional athletes and even business people are presented as glamorized role models and heroes because of their supposed perfection.

    This week, as we explore perfection, let’s take some time to consider Cohen’s remark and look carefully to observe those facets of our lives that appear to be imperfect or “cracked,” but which, in fact, let the light in. We can revisit the state of “perfect imperfection” in which each human being continually lives as a dynamic and ever-changing work in progress.

    Copyright 2009. E. B. Hutt Bush and Coaching for Results, Inc.

  • The Suffering of Others and Equanimity

    Witnessing bad things happen to people has been very hard to bear. People experience health issues, financial distress, emotional pain, relationship problems and a myriad of events ranging from merely bad to downright tragic. How do we deal with seeing that?

    It has felt easier for me to live in equanimity about my own life difficulties than to have equanimity about others’ sorrows. Why? Because I want to help; I want to do something with and for them to change things and make it better.

    Life recently presented me with a situation where I witnessed someone else experiencing great loss . . . and, try as I might, there is nothing that I can do about it, and I was unable to simply let it be.

    Have you ever had the experience of being present to the pain and suffering of another . . . and be unable to help? How well have you been able to live in equanimity? Is it easier for you to have equanimity about your own situations or those of others?

    Copyright 2009. E. B. Hutt Bush and Coaching for Results, Inc.