Being Point

Month: May 2009

  • Reduce Your Self-Talk For Control, Approval and Judgment

    Self-talk often takes the form of what our egos identify as our needs. Deepak Chopra says:

    “If you want to reach a state of bliss, then go beyond your ego and internal dialogue. Make a decision to relinquish the need to control, the need to be approved, and the need to judge. These are the three things that the ego is doing all the time. It’s very important to be aware of them every time they come up.”

    Pause for a moment and think about the implications of a life free of the need to control, to be approved of and to judge. Try just one day to monitor your internal dialogue to determine if you can shift your self-talk each time those dynamics occur.

  • Feedback From Trusted Sources Optimizes Our Self-Talk

    The biggest problem with self-talk has been that it has often been inaccurate. All observations benefit from multiple points of view; and, being human, we have sometimes seen the world as though we were wearing blinders. If we’ve constantly told ourselves that there’s something wrong with us, we likely have begun to believe and act on that negative self-talk.

    If we are to use self-talk effectively, we want to keep and grow what works to move us forward, but discard – as quickly as we can – what doesn’t work. Among the best ways to eliminate what doesn’t work is to reality check our thinking with people who will tell us the truth – at least as they see it.

    Who do you have in your life whom you can trust to give you frank, useful and hopefully compassionate feedback about yourself? Do you seek out the opinions of others whom you trust? Can you see how desirable it is for us to have this kind of information to help us form more objective opinions about ourselves and the resulting self-talk?

  • “Yes Man” Is A Great Example of Shifting Self-Talk

    In the movie, “Yes Man,” Jim Carrey is challenged to change his self-talk of habitually saying “no” to almost everything to, “Yes, I will do that.” It’s a great premise in a movie that received mixed reviews, and Carrie’s performance illustrates the huge changes that can result from shifting one’s perceptions.

    Because his character, Carl Allen, tells himself that he will say “yes” to everything, there are some admittedly wacky results, but also many poignant moments that reveal themselves.

    When our self-talk permits us to think freely from an open mind to consider possibilities other than what we have been conditioned to hold as “the answer,” surprising growth and evolution can occur.

    How has your self-talk been about an automatic and reflexive “no” – perhaps learned from a parent who modeled that behavior when you were growing up? What would happen if your self-talk allowed you to think more creatively? Have you observed anyone who could serve as a role model for you whose behavior indicates openness in her or his self-talk? How can you shift your self-talk to diminish your limitations?

  • Self-Talk Is A Reflection Of Our Perceptions

    How much do you think your inner dialogue has with the results that you produce in life? Have you ever been one of those people who has allowed negative self-talk to run roughshod over your consciousness and become a self-fulfilling prophecy? Or are you a master at only uplifting self-talk as a means of inspiring you to move forward?

    Self-talk matters because it reflects our perceptions. If “perception is reality,” then any perception that you’re a winner or a loser – or anything in between – that somehow gets translated to self-chatter has a tremendous amount of influence over your ultimate experience.

    Among the most powerful things we can do to manage self-talk is to write it down. Take three minutes as an experiment and write down all the positive self-talk and three minutes for all of the negative. This exercise makes your choice making very clear by contrasting what will aid you against what will diminish you. What other ways do you use self-talk?

  • The Impact of Others On Our Freedom

    Next Monday is Memorial Day in the U.S., a day when we honor fallen warriors who have made our freedom possible. It’s easy to make it just another day on the calendar. Yet, if we simply pause and think about the impact of those lives on our own, we can quickly appreciate the direct and daily benefit that we receive from them.

    Others impact our freedom; and we impact theirs. We can cultivate our honor and integrity to memorialize anyone who lived and died so that our freedom can be enjoyed.

    Have you ever known anyone who impacted your freedom in a positive way? Have you ever diminished the freedom of another? Is it possible to move beyond what we call a “holiday” to a place of profound gratitude for all who value freedom so much that they are willing to die for it?

  • “Freedom’s just another word for nothing left to lose”

    Sometimes, having no responsibilities or commitments to someone or something else feels like freedom.  Yet, Janice Joplin sang, “Freedom’s just another word for nothing left to lose,” and often so-called “freedom” can feel empty and meaningless.

    In your life, do your commitments feel as though they impinge on your freedom?  If so, are the rewards worth the price?  If all of life has trade-off’s, what are the trade-off’s that you’re making that either have you feel more free or less free?

  • Freedom of Speech ~ Even For Those With Whom You Disagree?

    Do we believe in freedom enough to fight for it for others with whom you fundamentally disagree? Perhaps the litmus test for this question is the degree to which each of us is willing to defend the right of all people to voice their opinions – even if those opinions are noxious and odious to our sensibilities.

    Yesterday, I was verbally accosted by a woman sitting in front of a store with a display for a political point of view that I find particularly unappealing; and, yet, it was somehow comforting that she was free to sit there with her posters and espouse her beliefs.

    Woodrow Wilson said, “I have always been among those who believed that the greatest freedom of speech was the greatest safety because if a man is a fool, the best thing to do is to encourage him to advertise the fact by speaking.”

    Are you genuinely willing to fight for the rights of all protected speech – even if that speech is directly offensive to you and those whom you love?

  • Freedom of Speech and Newspapers As Non-Profits

    Freedom of speech is guaranteed in the United States by the Bill of Rights, yet what is going to happen to a free press as newspapers shut down? Among the most provocative proposals is to have newspapers become non-profits. This proposal recognizes the inherent public good that is done by the press.

    This year, St. Petersburg Times came in second only to the New York Times in winning Pulitzer Prizes. What’s remarkable is that the Florida newspaper was willed to a non-profit institute by its previous owner; and that precedent has ignited conversations about how freedom of speech in journalism can potentially be saved by having newspapers become charities in the public interest.

    What do you think of this approach? How free do you feel in terms of freedom of expression in the press? If it were up to you, how would you preserve the vital function of a free press in times of a dying business model for newspapers?

  • The Freedom To Err Is Fundamental To All Freedoms

    This week, let’s consider freedom in as many different contexts as possible. Gandhi said, “Freedom is not worth having if it does not connote freedom to err.”

    The freedom to experiment, to make choices and to make mistakes is foundational for other freedoms. Dogma opposes freedom. Yet, seemingly paradoxically, there can be tremendous freedom in profound commitment.

    How free are you? Not just in the abstract, but in reality: How free are you to live the life you desire? What impediments have there been to your freedom? Is it possible that the most significant detriments to our own freedom have been self-made?

  • Hero within ourselves

    In 1987, Joseph Campbell was interviewed by journalist, Bill Moyers – who wrote about the experience in his book, The Power of Myth.  Here are some excerpts:
    Moyers:  “How do I slay that dragon in me? What’s the journey each of us has to make, what you call ‘the soul’s high adventure’?”

    Campbell: “My general formula for my students is ‘Follow your bliss.’ Find where it is, and don’t be afraid to follow it.”

    Moyers: “To Campbell, the end of the hero’s journey is ‘not the aggrandizement of the hero. The ultimate aim of the quest must be neither release nor ecstasy for oneself, but the wisdom and the power to serve others.’  One of the many distinctions between the celebrity and the hero, he said, is that one lives only for self while the other acts to redeem society.”

    “‘In that sense, I said, ‘unlike heroes such as Prometheus, we’re not going on our journey to save the world, but to save ourselves.’ Campbell’s response was: ‘But in doing that, you save the world.  The influence of a vital person vitalizes.  The world without spirit is a wasteland.’”

    Are you following your bliss? Are you committed to being a “vital person”?  How do you feel about the idea that by following your bliss, you can play a meaningful part in saving the world?