Being Point

Month: October 2009

  • How Do You Engage Other People’s Capacity?

    Other people’s capacity (OPC), like “other people’s money (OPM),” is a topic that we frequently notice and care about. We want others to do things that we want them to do; we work to enroll them in our visions of the future; and try to sell them and convince them that things can be different.

    All of these kinds of approaches involve “how much” of something the other person has: time, resources, interest, curiosity, health – and, of course, the other person is the only person who really knows his or her capacity for giving of these.

    What is your style for engaging a dialogue about OPC? Are you aggressive or, alternatively, are you someone who rarely mentions OPC? Think about how you would like others to engage your capacity and their requests about engaging it, and then revisit your own guidelines about how to best engage others.

  • How Do You Manage Yourself When Your Capacity Feels Overwhelmed?

    What have been your best strategies for dealing with overwhelm when your capacity has felt overburdened? Tougher times like these can test anyone’s resolve and ability to pull through.

    One of the ways to deal with taking on too much is to remove what is not mission critical. Make a list of any activity that is not directly contributing to your health and well-being in any area of your personal and professional life. Then prioritize by grouping A, B and C all of the activities – and systematically eliminate as many of the C’s as you can.

    Feelings of overwhelm can feed on each other, so it’s useful to avoid “piling on” and making a case for feeling even more stressed and overwhelmed than you felt with the first feeling.

    What strategies have worked for you? Have you ever had the experience of expanding your capacity, only to find yourself overwhelmed again? What underlies that dynamic?

  • What Are The Best Ways To Heal And Expand Our Capacities?

    What are your role models for capacity? Who taught you how much you can love, how much you can hurt, how much you can heal?

    What is your capacity for joy? What experiences shaped your beliefs about how much is enough and how much is too much?

    What is your capacity for forgiveness, for forgetting and healing? How did those perceptions come to be in place?

    When you think about it, all the ways that humans learn how to act in the world can come together to have our capacities match or not match. You’re most likely spending time, personally and professionally, with people whose capacities approximate your own.

    Have you ever considered the idea that sometimes human psychology and our upbringing has us sabotage our own lives because we buy into limitations about our capacity to have a life that works brilliantly on all levels? What are the best ways to heal and expand our capacities?

  • Capacity Means How Much Something – Or Someone – Can Hold Or Tolerate

    Capacity means how much something – someone – can hold or tolerate. Toleration of pain may not be such a good thing as the numbness may block out reason as well. Intolerance of great things may indicate a being whose ability to receive blessings has been impaired.

    As with most things, the middle way is most likely to be sustainable. “Capacity” may be another way of saying “limits.” We can only take so much; right?

    What is the difference between capacity and limits? Does reaching our capacity reveal limitations – or does it provide a realistic measure of our abilities? What are your limits as contrasted with your capacities?

  • Capacity Is The Ability To Receive, To Stand Up To And Tolerate – Often, Even To Bless – The Welcome Of The Shouldered Load

    What is your ability to take on the world? How much can you take? How much is worth taking? How much is worth holding? Are you asking these questions of yourself? What is your capacity?

    Capacity is rarely addressed because we enjoy and hide behind the delusion that we can handle it all. Entrepreneurs, especially, tend to take on as much as they fantasize they can handle. Part of the trick is to reach far enough, but not too far. Lifetimes are spent learning the best in-between points.

    What is your capacity for: Joy, Freedom, Pain, Accomplishment, Love, Suffering, Companionship, Family, Intimacy, Vulnerability, Loss? What are your limits to fully experiencing the human condition?

    Capacity is the ability to receive, to stand up to and tolerate – often, even to bless – the welcome of the shouldered load.

  • “There Is No Faith Which Has Never Yet Been Broken, Except That Of A Truly Faithful Dog.” ~ Konrad Lorenz

    With apologies to anyone who is more a cat person than a dog person, no conversation about loyalty would be complete without discussing dogs. Here’s one of my favorite quotes:

    There is no faith which has never yet been broken, except that of a truly faithful dog. ~ Konrad Lorenz

    I’ve had the joy of having dogs most of my life, and I’ve fallen deeply in love with each of them without exception. Loyalty sometimes feels like having that sweet animal follow you around the house, waiting for you, cuddling next to you and relentlessly begging to play ball or pretend that 85 pounds can be a lap dog.

    Are the qualities which make up loyalty in a dog the same as they are in people? Are dog lovers confusing loyalty with the dependence of dogs on us for their survival? What are the core qualities in what we read as loyalty in dogs that we’d like to have in our human relationships?

  • “The only lost cause is one we give up before we enter the struggle.” ~ Vaclav Havel

    Loyalty to so-called “lost causes”? Who me? Who you? Most likely, each of us has at least one cause to which we remain loyal no matter what. It could be anything: a sports team, a family member, a political issue – a belief in something that you refuse to give up.

    Czech activist and the first President of post-Communist Czech Republic, Vaclav Havel, said:

    “The only lost cause is one we give up before we enter the struggle.”

    Havel’s point was to remain loyal and not to give up on what we believe in. His struggle as a leader for Czech freedom is legendary – and, at the time, most would have said it was a lost cause.

    What is it that keeps you loyal to people and situations that seem to others to be lost causes? How can we explain our commitments? Is this blind or misplaced loyalty – or is it something deeper?

  • “I Have Found loyalty ~ You Have Pulled For Me On The Court And Also In Life.” ~ Andre Agassi

    How are you in receiving loyalty from friends, family, colleagues and others important in your life? Do you acknowledge loyalty? If so, how?

    Consider what Andre Agassi said to his fans after the last match of his professional tennis career.

    “The scoreboard said I lost today, but what the scoreboard doesn’t say is what it is I have found. Over the last 21 years, I have found loyalty. You have pulled for me on the court and also in life. I found inspiration. You have willed me to succeed, sometimes even in my lowest moments, and I’ve found generosity. You have given me your shoulders to stand on to reach for my dreams, dreams I could never have reached without you.”

    Is there anyone in your life that you would enjoy acknowledging for their loyalty to you? Is loyalty to you among the things that you value?

  • Can Broken Loyalty Be Restored?

    Loyalty is a precious gift; and when it has been broken, experience teaches that it has been difficult – and sometimes impossible – to restore. Being able to restore loyalty requires a willingness to begin again, to literally forgive AND forget.

    Consider restoring loyalty on a national level. Abraham Lincoln invited Secessionists to rejoin the Union “with malice toward none, with charity toward all.” A stunning example of a willingness to forgive the past and to re-engage rebels who had been disloyal to the USA as loyal citizens.

    We often hear examples like this and think that perhaps Lincoln can do it, but in our own lives, we have doubted that such starting over with loyalty can actually happen. Such heroic actions are not limited to nations. We can experience them in our own lives.

    What is your experience with restoring loyalty? We might start within: if you’ve ever been disloyal to yourself, have you been able to start over and re-assert your loyalty to your core values? If so, have you ever been able to do that with others? What are the limits to restoring loyalty, if any, and how do you determine those boundaries?

  • What Are Your Beliefs About Loyalty ~ Personally and Professionally?

    I had the good fortune recently to hear a talk on loyalty which reminded me of a fascinating client session many years ago. We were discussing core values, and a participant said that he did not value loyalty at all; and I remember being intrigued and a little surprised about his point of view.

    Study Hall does not presume to know all the answers, but we seek to raise useful questions. Loyalty means faithful, true, trustworthy and reliable. Blind loyalty may not be loyalty at all, but some sort of dependence or abdication of the responsibility of choosing.

    What is the role of loyalty in your life: Personally, professionally, internally? Is there a place for loyalty in your current professional environment? Why or why not? What are your criteria for loyalty, and how true are you to those criteria?