Being Point

Month: June 2010

  • Ending “Pre-Emptive Strikes” Against Ourselves

    There was a very bright woman in my high school French class in senior year who, each time we had a test, would announce dramatically that she was going to fail. Inevitably, she would get an “A,” and usually the best grade in the class. She taught me about what I call “pre-emptive strikes” – attacking ourselves before someone else can.

    Most of us have beaten ourselves up pre-emptively. Consider behaviors like apologizing in advance, being “sorry” for delivering bad news that we had no part in creating, or calling ourselves names or using self-deprecating language about our abilities and accomplishments.

    What would happen if you cultivated a life where attacking of all kinds was unnecessary? Can you imagine a life without the hierarchy of someone’s being “right” which required someone else to be “wrong”? Often, we’ve beaten ourselves up to avoid what we have feared would be even worse treatment at the hands of another.

    The more you lose the perception that you have to be beaten up for some imagined purpose – for example, to “fit in,” to “please,” to “appease” – the happier your life will be. Punishment is unnecessary for emotional issues. Experiment with leading your life with expanding compassion and self-love.

    What is your level of commitment to ending the old habits of beating yourself up, especially with “pre-emptive strikes”?

  • Has Beating Yourself Up Ever Been A Habit For You?

    Who among us has not made some huge mistake – or at least a mistake that felt huge at the time? Perhaps a careless comment, a unfortunate traffic matter, or misplacing something so that we cost ourselves or someone else some money.

    Often, our response has been to beat ourselves up – and to continue doing so until we feel that we have punished ourselves enough.

    Has beating yourself up ever been a habit for you? If so, how much does it continue to this day? What kind of value system do you think self-punishment is based upon; and why have we felt that it was useful or necessary?

    What is the difference between feeling genuine remorse and beating oneself up? How much punishment, if any, needs to accompany remorse and sincere regret for having made a mistake? What kinds of responses are kinder and more useful than beating yourself up?

  • “Play Is The Highest Form Of Research” ~ Einstein

    Among the best creative activities is brainstorming – which can be an enjoyable and highly productive form of play. When we’re playing, we are far more open to all possibilities. Assumptions about our limitations fall away.

    Einstein said, “Play is the highest form of research.” And Emerson said, “It is a happy talent to know how to play.”

    Play in the form of brainstorming teaches us to think synergistically – and have fun in the process. How you do at brainstorming most likely has everything to do with how playful you allow yourself to be.

    What kind of brainstormer are you? Can you relax and appear to be foolish as if you’re playing – all in service of better or more creative thinking – and for just having fun?

    What do you think of brainstorming as play? Do you see benefits from playing / brainstorming in your life and your career? Can you imagine using the web as a source of playing / brainstorming?

  • “A Child Loves Her Play Not Because It’s Easy, But Because It’s Hard” ~ Dr. Benjamin Spock

    As we play as children, we are always learning. Our play often emulates family and work life where we play and act out roles that we are trying on.

    Dr. Spock, the famous pediatrician, wrote, “A child loves her play not because it’s easy, but because it’s hard.” Acting “as if” is a way of understanding situations by behaving and even thinking as though they are true.

    In this context, play has clear benefit. The slogan “fake it until you make it” means to play or pretend that you are where you want to be as a primary means of ultimately getting there.  “Let’s pretend” or “let’s play like” are common childhood expressions that each of us can apply to contemporary situations.

    Where in your life would you benefit from “playing like” you are where you want to be? What kind of identity would support your growth? Can you “play like” or “pretend” that you are the person who has reached some key goals? Can you “play like” and still maintain your authenticity and integrity?

    What shifts would that kind of play likely produce for you? What impact would that kind of play have on others? How can you support others “living into” their dreams in similar ways?

  • “A Child Who Does Not Play Is Not A Child, And The Man Who Does Not Play Has Lost Forever The Child Who Lived In Him” ~ Pablo Neruda

    Play has been celebrated by thinkers throughout history. How alive is the child within you? Do you give the child who lives inside you the permission to play? What about others? Do you allow them to be playful without judging them?

    Dr. Stuart Brown said, “Play allows us to develop alternatives to violence and despair; it helps us learn perseverance and optimism.”

    In other words, in an ironic twist: Play is seriously important! LOL

    Workplaces can be playful without being out of control. Humor and fun and play allow hugely greater degrees of relatedness among human beings and, thus, help us get along better and be happier in our relationships.

    Who do you play with? Is play integrated into your life? Do you teach, model and encourage others within your sphere of influence that play is positive and deserves encouragement? Hopefully, you have not, as Neruda wrote, lost forever the child who lived in you.

    Come out and play fair, play safe, play fun!  Please write and let us know how you are at play.

  • Playfulness And The Ability To Be Downright Silly

    Silliness is a wonderful form of playfulness. How precious it is to cultivate light-heartedness and relax the ego’s insistence on being important.

    I have some very good friends who, like me, are monkeys. Monkeys are smart and playful – and even downright silly. What does the adult part of you think about playfulness and silliness? Have you ever felt like a monkey?

    Have you noticed any fear associated with silliness and playfulness? Yet, couldn’t we all use a ready wit, an easy sense of humor, along with precious little need to take ourselves seriously?

    Are you playful and silly? What are the conditions which have best allowed these qualities to shine through? How do family and cultural patterns about playfulness show up in your behaviors and belief systems? Who are the people with whom you feel most comfortable and safe to be fully yourself – even when you’re being goofy and silly?

  • Playfulness And The Beginning Of Summer

    Memorial Day Weekend is the traditional beginning of summer, our best season for playfulness.  Let’s shift from seriousness to playfulness, lightness and fun.

    Remember the joy we felt as children when school ended and we were free? It was fun to eagerly anticipate three months of unscheduled days and staying up late, summer camp and family vacations, swimming and being around water at the ocean or the lake?

    Now, consider how you’re starting the summer of 2010. How can you make it more playful? Can you give yourself permission to be free to enjoy your life in ways that perhaps only summer provides?

    Consider the next three to four months, and map out the activities that you need to have a playful summer. How much is enough play for you? How willing are you to give yourself the gift of playfulness?

  • “Command And Control” Is Most Often In Opposition To Collaboration

    We live in a world that has been dominated by a centralized “command and control” model for centuries – and by institutional cultures that are, therefore, anything but collaborative.

    Tragically, for example, in the recent ongoing oil disaster in the Gulf of Mexico, there was poor collaboration before someone with control authority made the decision to proceed without adequate safety precautions. That situation is a clear example of how a focus on collaboration would have produced a positive result.

    What kind of culture do you have in your workplace? Is collaboration more the rule or the exception? How do you lead your life? Do you tend to be more of a dominator or a collaborator?

    Clearly, sometimes decisive action is needed; and there is sometimes good reason for a leader to make a final judgment call. How she or he does so – with collaboration or without – is often determinative of the quality of the decision and of the effectiveness of the culture.

    What changes make sense in your life regarding collaboration? Where would expanded collaboration make the most difference to you and others in your workplace, family, and community?

  • “Those Who Learned To Collaborate And Improvise Most Effectively Have Prevailed.” ~ Charles Darwin

    Collaboration is likely a big part of successful evolution. People or animals who were not collaborative or cooperative had less chance of being in the safety of community and, therefore, they were more exposed to risk and possible harm.

    Charles Darwin wrote:

    “In the long history of humankind (and animal kind, too), those who learned to collaborate and improvise most effectively have prevailed.”

    Please think about times in your life where collaboration has been useful – and has moved forward the effort in which you were involved. Can you observe times when collaboration allowed your group, team or family to thrive when, if there were not collaboration, events could have taken a turn for the worse?

    Is there truth to the notion that the “non-collaborative” would have been excluded from successful groups? What are the implications for you in our present day? How can you discern that collaboration advances the evolution of any group to which you belong?

  • Is Synergy An Energy That You Actively Seek To Create, Access And Grow?

    Among the tremendous potential benefits of collaboration is SYNERGY. The common definition of synergy is 1 + 1 = 3, which is a mathematical impossibility, yet, a reality that all of us have experienced.

    The combination of the parts be greater than their sum. The old saying that “two heads are better than one” makes the point that it’s in the combination where the real treasure lies. This is synergy.

    Where have you experienced synergy? Do you realize that one person cannot, by definition, produce synergy on her or his own? Consider this: With that specific amazing partner, that all-in team, that group of athletes in common pursuit: how was the combination greater in effect than the sum of its parts? Is synergy an energy that you actively seek to create, access and grow? Why or why not?